Congrats, it’s a boy!!!!

Ok wait…let me back up just a bit.

When Parker was born, my entire world changed. I didn’t know you could love someone so much! I always knew from early on in my life I wanted to kids. I came from a family of two and it just seemed like the perfect amount. My mom always joked she had 1 kid for each hand. So I knew that I wanted Parker to be a big brother, but that I also wanted to enjoy him as being an only child for a while. Another thing I knew after Parker was born was that I wanted to have a vaginal birth after cesarean, or Vbac. The recommended time between pregnancies is 18 months so I knew I wanted to try and wait as close to that as possible.

When Parker was about 15 months I got it in my mind I was ready to be pregnant again. I didn’t want Parker to feel he wasn’t enough; I just had this dying urge inside to grow another baby! For 3 months it didn’t happen and I was crushed. Now, I know this sounds really silly because sometimes it can take couples years to get conceive but we were pregnant with Parker after only 1 month of really trying. So I decided to turn to a Facebook group for some advice and ended up ordering ovulation strips and pregnancy tests to have on hand. The first month of tracking ovulation worked! I took my first test December 18^th, 2016 and it was such a faint line you couldn’t really even be sure. I took a few more pink line tests and then finally on December 22^nd I took a digital and it said clear as day *Positive* and I sat in my closet crying and texting my bestie Jenny. It finally happened… I was going to be a mama of two!

So with Parker I did not want to know the sex at all, even though it didn’t work out that way. Being the hoarder that I am I saved everything of Parkers and this time I really wanted to know the sex and if I could give away all the boy clothes. We paid to do a 4D ultrasound because Kaiser won’t tell until you are 20 weeks. I was so nervous. Those first 12 weeks were totally different from Parker and I just *knew* I was having a girl. I called my belly she and I had visions of pink. The night before the ultrasound I had a dream that they wouldn’t be able to tell. I woke up and cried, and then went back to sleep and had another dream it was a boy. Now I trust my dreams so I went into the appointment with low expectations. Sure enough, when she tried to look baby’s umbilical cord was right in between legs and you could not see anything. The tech took a good 40 minutes of trying with me drinking cold water and even jumping around. She tried one more time and for a split second I thought I saw a penis and my heart dropped. She assured me it could have been an arm or something else, but my gut told me something else. I cried the whole way home and well into the evening. We scheduled another appointment for the next week. It was there that it was confirmed, we were having another boy.

It felt like my world came crumbling down. I only wanted 2 kids ever and I wasn’t going to have a daughter. It was such a hard fact for me to accept. I secretly was depressed for weeks, maybe even months. All around me people with close due dates were finding out they were having girls, even my own sister in law! When I told people I received so many disappointing looks and comments about having *another* boy. What these people did not know was I was struggling and those comments made it worse. Eventually, I looked around my house at all of the boy clothes and saw the positive that I would be saving a ton of money not having to buy clothes! I also just looked at my beautiful child and knew it would be ok. I know how to be a boy mom. Yet I still got comments like “well you have to have a girl, you just HAVE to!” I really wanted to just slap people. Unless you use medical interventions, you really get to choose what you’re having. Then those comments turned into have a third baby and trying for a girl. The closer my due date I just focused on my labor and getting my vbac. That was my saving grace really.

Now that he is here, I can’t really imagine not having a boy. He is just such a happy sweet baby and lights up the room with his smile. I ultimately just wanted a healthy and happy baby, and that’s what I got. Sure, I don’t get the pink frilly bows like girl moms get, but I get a child who I love unconditionally and would do anything for. When it comes down it, isn’t that what matters? I now get to raise an amazing little man who will grow up respecting those little girls that everyone else had.